Logs

10:45 PM

November 5, 2023

Irvine

Somehow I ended up deciding to start logging online in 2023 at the age of 32! I don't know if I will continue to do this everyday. Based on my past records, it is highly unlikely. But I also have the tendency to defeat the odds now and then! So let's see!

Today, I started the system design interview preparation again.  I am not sure where I will end up at. I have been thinking about working for myself since last 2/3 years but haven't been able to execute anything. Neither I have a sufficient understanding in any area nor am I passionate about any particular subject, maybe that is the reason it didn't work out.

Though I did start the preparation, I kept thinking about how I would make a business out of interview preparation, developing a course and blogging about the things in general. This has always been the case, I tend to focus on lots of different stuffs rather than keeping things simple. I did realize today that a lot of money can be made by having the online presence and developing structured courses and selling them. But, given the chances of layoff and the bad economic conditions, I think I should solely focus on preparing for the interview focusing on the system design for now. I can continue to keep the notes and log the ideas, so it can be used to create courses/tutorials later if needed.

Plan and direction

10.59 PM

November 6, 2023

Irvine

Just did my 9-5 job at average level and helped Bindi to review and submit her performance evaluation. Had only a few hours left for myself which went into worrying about how much progress is being made in AI and stressing about if I am getting outdated everyday.

Milestone

Plan and direction

10.58 PM

November 9, 2023

Irvine

Couldn't write logs for the last 2 days. But I am happy that I got back to it again tonight. Nothing too specific. Did my normal 9 to 5 job and spent average 2 hours at night studying system designing, browsing profiles of a few people who teach it and almost feeling guilty about why I didn't do something similar a few years back. Introspected a bit about why I couldn't accomplish much bigger things in life despite worrying about it a lot and being ambitious. Anyways, the reality is I am underleveled and not rich for sure up to the standards that I have.

I definitely need to change some things in order to be where I want to be! This needs to occur quickly as I have limited time and am aging.

Milestone

Plan and Direction


11.43 PM

April 10, 2024

Irvine

Couldn't write logs for the last few MONTHS! You know when something is not right when you read the last log you wrote a few months ago and find the current problems and status exactly the same as before the last few months. Anyways, I am just increasingly working a lot at my current job with no possibilitiy of promotion in near future. Everyone at my job seems to know that I am doing really well except my manager (I guess?). The reality is that even if I get promoted, the increased compensation is not going to be much. So Ideally I should just leave this job. But I always wanted to be at place where I am well respected and people treat me as a domain expert. I am living that high right now, but I feel like I should definitely change my current situation.

Mental Blockers:

1) Change the current job:

2) Start a small business:

3) Travel:

4) Do nothing and stay at my current job:

5) Fitness


Hope I can figure something out and make it big! 

11.29 PM   Irvine

August 5, 2024

Today was a big day and some big things are happening in my life.  I was happy that I was at least able to take it in and enjoy the moment for a while. This is going to be a big responsibility and I hope I can take control of the things. Mainly, I am happy for Bindi and I felt satisfied that at least I was able to give her some of  the things she wanted in life.

Anyways, back to the grind! There about 8 months left and the first 4 are going to be extremely important for me. I need to make sure that I can get a number of things done that I always wanted to accomplish in these months. These 4 months are all going to be about the execution!

What's on my mind?

       People in my friend group are famous in general. They seem to attract other people so well. For example, one of the friends is good looking and people always find it cute the way he speaks and acts. Another one is charismatic and extremely good in sports, and the other one is extremely talented. All of these friends had a great childhood and rich parents. On the other hand I play sports but not good enough to defeat the sportsman friend, I am good at studies but not enough to the level of the genius friend and I have a good height and I look better than average but I am definitely neither charming nor charismatic. On top of this, I had a relatively rough childhood and don't have enough financial backup. People feel that I look always tired or stressed. Sometimes I think people just pity me.  I don't know why these friends chose to be with me, maybe because they pity me too?

What to do? What can be changed? What I want to become? 

         Unfortunately, I don't have an answer other than just "working hard" and "trying", because this is what I am taught to do. I hope everything works out for me and I hope that I will be able to execute on the things like I always wanted to do.